Why Poetry?

Don't know. I used to write poetry. It comes and goes by itself. So I'll just write it here if I need to. You don't have to read.
Thank you, shian.

Black Hole

If I had a way to change the world.
If I could change myself.
Be honest with myself.

If I could only say the truth,
And the truth beyond the truth,
And beyond,
If I could.

Can I forgive myself?
Will you forgive me? will they?
Should I hide, can I?

The truth.

The truth hurts.

The truth hurts when you know it.
Hurts beyond my strength.
So I fall, free fall, black hole.

The only light I see, is You,
Just You.
No more words,
No more thoughts,
Fear of death,
Silent scream,
Silent cry,
For help.

Death Sentence Was Delayed

Pain killer.
Emotional pain killer.
Death is delayed.

24 hours, relief.
Life is extended.
Death sentence delayed.


Decades of struggle,
Decades of facing death,
Face to face.
Pain killer.
I'm a slave.
I'm an addict.

Hiding the truth,
Denying the truth,
Makes you sick,
Makes you weak,

Not me.
Couldn't happen to me.
I'm strong.
Am I?
No. Not me. Others.
They may fall so deep,
I can't,
I'm strong,
I'm aware,
I'm wise... No. Not me. Yes.
It's me.
Falling deeper then my deepest fears.
Addict. Lost.
Living on the edge.
24 hours, death was delayed.
Death sentence was canceled.
The judge is gone for now.

Living in my prison.
Made of sorrow, fear and anger.
Bars, prison bars, made of loneliness.
Made of hate.
Made of anger.

Death sentence was delayed.
A chance,
For a new bright day.
For a new beginning,
For love
To heal
To cure
To rebuild
A dead
A broken into pieces
Fainted soul.

Some old poems I found in English and Hebrew...

Sunday, May 14th 2006 2:41 PM

My Sister

My sister
my love my heart
you didn't cry
you didn't shout

they tortured you
until you died
my sister
since I never smile

your body lies there
has no life
they tortured long
your soul was strong

I can not smile
can not forget
the world is empty
there's no help

I cried and cried until I stopped
but there's no way
to end this shock.
Sunday, May 14th 2006 2:23 PM

He Feels The Pain

What you're trying'to hide
You're scared of death
You're scared to die.

What you're trying'to hide
behind this muscles
behind your eyes.

your lonely heart
your shame
your pride
that - you can not hide

You know the real man
has no pride
You know the real man
has a life
He's not a Macho
He's a man
He has a blood
He feels the pain.
Saturday, April 22nd 2006 2:51 PM

For You

God I'm sorry I cheat you
God I'm sorry I lie
God I'm sorry I killed you
God I'm sorry I die

God I'm full of damn pride
God I'm sorry I die
God will you love me
If I'll tell you I lie
will you forgive me
If you'll know who am I

I'm a hooker you know
I don't want to hide
I've been lost in this world
for the most of my life

God will you love me
if I'm sorry just now
will you remember
the times I was bad

I'm nothing without you
I'll scream I will cry
I'll shout I will kill you
if you leave me to die

God I want to be with you
all my heart is yours now
please don't look at my bad sides
you see how I try

for you
just for you
I try just for you
for you
I am honest
for you
I don't lie
Friday, March 31st 2006 2:45 PM

Will They Do This Last Mistake

Will they do this last mistake
Why they don't know you Sir,
Why are they so brutal,
How can they be so selfish, evil.

Don't they feel?

Will they take my house?
my home
my land?
will they take me as well?

Do they have a heart?

God, why they don't know you
why Jesus why.

Should I stop,
or should I run?
Should I do,
or should I wait.

Will they take my home, Sir,
Will they do this last mistake

Am I sad for us,
Or am I sad for them

show me the way
before It's too late
Thursday, April 13th 2006 4:30 AM

Nothing To Look For

nothing to look for
I could not find happiness in this life
I found it inside the heart
I was looking for it
all over
It was just me,
looking at the mirror of my sadness
looking for something I've lost
Yes I did
I've lost
I've lost my dreams
I've lost my hopes

Now I know
It's all here
and there is nothing to look for.
Thursday, April 13th 2006 4:43 AM

I Don't Go Anywhere

I don't go anywhere
but I am everywhere
I don't leave my house much
but I know what's out there
I don't talk to people much
But I know who they are
I don't fall in love
But I know the pain
I don't smile
but I feel the joy
I am not a stripper
but I have the passion to be

what am I doing here,
I'm just waiting for you.
I know you will come.
Tuesday, April 18th 2006 11:31 PM

You're The One

I love you Jesus,
It doesn't mean I'm good

I love you God
Not because I'm perfect

I love you Jesus
So you will save me

I love you God
So I can be forgiven

What am I without you
You are all I need

Don't leave me here
all alone
I need you to protect me
from the demon in my soul

Don't tell me it's up to me
I'm nothing without you
you can see

I'm dirty
I'm a slut
so you can clean my soul
and I will be your queen
your love.

It's you.
You're the one
that should give me hope.
Saturday, April 22nd 2006 2:11 PM

Take Me Forever

tell me it's over
tell me I'm home
tell me I'm with you
say you won't go

tell me it's over
I'll melt in your arms
take me to heaven
show me the sign

take me forever
with you I will fly
to my homeland together
I won't have to die

take me my love
take me my God
take me forever
far from this world

the stars in the sky
the moonlight the sun
are calling me back
back to my land

the land of the truth
the land of the light
the land of your love
the land of your son

Jesus I need you
I want you to come
light the sun in my heart
with God I'll be one

Saturday, June 17th 2006 6:50 AM

It's OK Girl

It's OK Girl
You're not alone
I'm with you now
I came back home

I hold you now
I hug you strong
my baby
don't cry please.
you're not alone.

I hold you strong
I touch your tears
please hold me back.
don't lose hope.

look my love
I'm here with you
don't cry baby
I came for you

don't cry baby
please don't cry
it is all over
we have to try.

you see my heart is all yours now
hold me strong
and close your eyes.

I love you woman
please don't cry.
God is with us
I don't lie.
Sunday, June 11th 2006 7:31 PM

תפילתה של ילדה - (Girl's prayer)

הלוואי שהכל יגמר
הלוואי שהכל יסתדר
נמאס לי כל כך
נמאס כבר נמאס
הלוואי שאלך כבר
הלוואי שאדע

אותך. אדע

צמח מדבר
פינה בודדה
הרים וגבעות
זריחה ושקיעה


לדעת אותך

הלוואי אלוהים
שהכל יסתדר
אמצא לי פינה
אחיה בשבילך
אחיה רק עמך
שלווה ופשטות


שיגמר כבר
שהסיוט כבר ימות
שאחיה בשבילך
שאותך רק אדע

תפילתה של ילדה
Tuesday, May 16th 2006 12:21 PM

Dry My Tear

My sexy friend
Give a hug
It's cold out here
that's what we have

we have each other
you and me
a moment
in eternity

Give your hand
and hold me strong
I'm frozen here
I got no home

You're total stranger
I need love
just want to dream
I'm home and warm

dry my tear
and let's pretend
we know each other
we are friends.
Sunday, June 25th 2006 1:21 AM

In This Cold Society

If I'll take off this tough look
you will see who I am

if I'll put down this glasses
you will see all my pain

so much emotions
so many tears
tired and helpless
exhausted from fear

if I'll be more relax
you will notice black out
so much confusion
from these long sleepless nights

I'm so scared to be me
in this cold society
trying hard to be strong
but it won't last for long
I'm too tired I know.
Monday, March 13th 2006 1:25 PM

Nights of fear

Nights of fear.
Nights of loneliness.

Nights of regrets.

Nights of pain.
Nights of insanity.
Nights of tears.

Nights of emptiness.

One day,
I will look back;
It will all be gone.

One day,
I will be able to breath again.

One day,
I will say
Thank you my Lord.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you God
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you !!!!!

Forever thank you
for saving my life.
Tuesday, April 18th 2006 11:43 PM

Can I Be Myself

Can I take off this uniform
can I be myself

Can I stop this game
Of coldness and pain

can I cry
And say It Hurts!

Can I take off this uniform
and be myself.

can I have emotions
can I scream
It Hurts !!!
Friday, March 31st 2006 1:46 PM

Caused You Pain

If I ever hurt you,
If I ever hit you,
If I ever limited you,
If I was violent to you,
If I ever closed you,
If I ignored you,
If I forgot you,
If I ever left you all alone,
If I didn't hear you,
If I didn't believe you,

If I ever laughed at you,
If I ever caused you shame,
If I ever used you,
If I caused you pain,

If I made you scared.

If I ever made you sad,
If I ever hurt you,

now I know
It's not the way
Saturday, May 13th 2006 3:45 PM

Your Daughter The Whore

My heart is an Angel
but my body is Devil
I know what I want
through this sexual lust

I want you my Love
I want you my God
through the fire of passion
through my strong carnal lust

I trust you my Lord
I follow you God
through my animal instincts
even though I'm so false

Take my hand please my God
and show me the way
to get out of this sorrow
to get out of my hell.

Lead me safe to your home land
to heaven above
I'm the Devil from hell
I'm your daughter the whore
Wednesday, May 3rd 2006 3:09 AM

חיים פשוטים - (Simple life)

האם אפשר לבקש סליחה
לזכות במחילה
להתחיל מהתחלה

האם אפשר למצוא פרצה
בתוך חומה של תאווה

האם אפשר לומר, אלי
אותך - אני - רוצה

האם אפשר לחיות בטוב
ללא הפחד והשנאה

האם ניתן עוד לתקן
לראות קצת טוב

איני טובה, איני רעה
אני פשוט אישה ילדה
לא רוצה עוד משחקים
רוצה אותך
תמימות פשוטה

פלס לי דרך אלוהים
למצוא גם לי חיים פשוטים
פלס דרכי אהוב לבי
אלי אושרי, אלי עצמי
אמן אלי
אמן אלי
Friday, April 28th 2006 3:51 PM

אהבתי לך (My Love for You)

אהבתי לך
חזקה מרצוני

אהבתי לך

חזקה מחרדתי

אהבתי לך
מטרפת את נפשי
אהבתי לך
מכלה את כל רוחי

אהבתי לך
זעקה בליל שבר
זעקה באפילה
אהבתי לך
חדה כתער
חורכת כלהבה

אהבתי לך
אינה מתחשבת
אינה מתרצה

אהבתי לך
לא מותירה דבר

אהבתי לך
Tuesday, April 18th 2006 11:51 PM

My Sin

I'm the demon
That's what they say
I'm a woman
In their eyes
I'm the snake.

I'm a witch
anyone can tell
I have a sexy body
I will go to hell.

I caused the men
to leave their wives
is my only pride

I'm the devil
you can see
in your eyes
but it isn't me.

I'm just a girl.
this is my sin.
I'm just a girl.
It's what I've been.
I'm a girl.
this is my crime.
I'm a girl.
what could I do
to fix this mistake
and be born as a man
to be accepted as I am

If I try to be good
You will look at my ass
If I try to talk true
You will burn me to ash

I'm a girl
that's what I am
That's my sin
I'm not a man.
Thursday, July 13th 2006 3:07 AM

The Frozen Heart

the frozen heart
needs love and care
the frozen heart
needs hug and help
the frozen heart
needs friend with her

look at her
she's almost dead
she's shocked
she's weak
she's thin and pale
look at her
she's trying to walk
her bones too heavy
she almost fall

the frozen heart
needs your help
not your judgment
just your care
your love
for her.
Thursday, June 15th 2006 8:26 PM

Phone Call

God -
I'm on the highway
talking from the public phone
I can not hear your voice so clear
please try to talk more loud my dear

The point is I've lost my bag
I got your number
no more cash
I've lost the card with your address
and now I don't feel so much safe

I'm standing next to road 3-3
I see few lights but nothing near
don't know exactly where I'm
the sky is dark I need some help

again what was your home address?
please talk more loud
Ahh!!! disconnect !

I left my home
I left my self
I left the things that felt so safe

God my Love is waiting now
the phone card's dead
so dark
no stars

no joking
send a friend
send a car
send me help

help me Sir
help me Sir
Thursday, July 13th 2006 2:42 AM


Something I can not say in words
Something I can not make you understand
Something without a name

but it's not a word.
that turns me back to God

I'm full of blood and hate
that's the picture in my head
there are no winners
only pain
for those who's dead
for the remains

what have you done
my violent heart
where will you go now
where will you hide

who knows why.
Saturday, June 17th 2006 5:33 AM


The edge
The meaning
The reason
The only thing

It's all we need.

Simply. Everything

The reason for our life
The only hope
The only happiness
The only cure

is Spirit.

The last hope
The last shelter
The only thing alive
Love is the only thing exist

is God.

When we die
we start to live.

How much we miss you.
How much we want you.
How much we need you.

But the Love is spirit
Not the blood.
Not the darkness.
Not the emptiness
Not this life.

Love is the only thing alive.
Saturday, March 25th 2006 4:01 PM

Will You Come To Take Me

Even a strong man would be silent,

So many years that I wait.
So many months,

So many moments.

I thought I'm strong.
I thought I'm brave.
I thought
I thought so much.

The time,
time took it all.
took it all away from me.

do you still remember me.
will you come to take me,
to save me.

I didn't think it will happen.
I was under control.
I was winning.

I never thought
I never thought
one day,
I will lose it all.

no one knows who I am.
do you remember, home?
I don't.

I'm so empty.
I know I was wrong.

I look twenty years back.
twenty years I was wrong.

will you come to take me.
take me home.
Monday, March 13th 2006 10:54 AM

גם ברגעים הקשים (Also at the hard moments)

גם ברגעים הקשים אני יודע שאתה קיים אלוהים
מתחנן שהרגעים האלה יעברו ושהכל יגמר
גם ברגעים האלה אני יודע שזה אתה - הכל אתה
אינני מחפש דבר. אינני רוצה דבר. רק אותך, אלוהים, רק אותך
אינני מחפש אשמים. אינני מחפש אשמה
אינני מחפש סיבות ואינני מחפש תשובה
אני יודע שהכל זה אתה, אלוהים. אתה
מתפלל שיום אחד זה הכל יגמר, ונישאר, אני ואתה. לנצח. אתה
לא רוצה להביט לאחור. לא רוצה לחפש תשובה. אני יודע שהכל זה אתה
לא רוצה אשמים. ולא רוצה אשמה
רוצה רק אותך. עכשיו, לנצח, אותך, אלוהים. אותך
יודע שלמרות הכל, את עצמי - נתתי לך
ועל אף הכל - זו הייתה תמיד הסיבה: אתה
אם רק יימחל על הכל, יישכח, יעלם... אינני רוצה לחזור עוד לשם. רוצה רק אותך
וגם אם יבזוני וישנאוני - אינני רוצה דבר מלבדך. אתה הנך אתה. בורא עולם. אהבה
ואין לי דבר מלבדך, אלוהים. מלבדך
גם כי אבדתי בשכחה
אין לי דבר מלבדך. אלוהים. רק אתה, לעד, רק אתה
Monday, March 13th 2006 11:49 AM

I Miss You God

I miss you God,
I need you to come into my life.
please fill my emptiness
take away my pain. my fear.

I miss you God,
nothing left to say
just come and take me
take away my pain.

It is no ones fault
my pain, my sorrow, my self...
It is nobody's fault

Take me back Sir,
back to earth, back to reality,
back to you.

I escaped from life
escaped from reality
could not take it no more.

But now,
now it is just you that I want,
just you that I need;

Let me see the sun shines again
so I will know:
The real sun is you.
You are the only sun, God.
Just you.
Monday, March 13th 2006 11:35 AM

לו ידעת (If you knew)

לו ידעת כמה חיכיתי לך אלוהים
כמה בדידות
כמה לילות ללא שינה

לו ידעת כמה נטרפה דעתי
כמה יאוש, ספק, תקווה

לו ידעת אלוהים
לו ידעת

לו ידעת כמה צער אלי
לו ידעת

לו ידעת אלי עד כמה הייאוש תקפני
לו ידעת אלי

לו ידעת עד כמה נטרפה נפשי לראותך אלי
לו רק ידעת

לו ידעת אלי מה בלב אישה
בדידות חיפוש וקור ללא תקווה

אלי לו רק נס עשית
שערי גן עדן פתחת עבורי
בריצה ארוץ אליך
לא עוד אשליה
לא עוד קור והזיה
לא עוד אלי
לא עוד
לו ידעת. לו ידעת

אתה יודע אלי
לו רק ידעתי אני
Saturday, March 25th 2006 5:44 PM

I Feel So Lonely

I feel so lonely in this world,
in this life,
Because I never looked inside of me,
I was always looking out

I feel so lonely
because I didn't listen to your voice
I was following the crowd

I feel so lonely
because I didn't take your Love Sir,
Instead I choose my pride.

I feel so lonely Sir.
and you
is all I have.
Monday, March 13th 2006 12:08 PM

I Stand On The Beach

I stand on the beach,
looking at the sky,
I pray.
that it will be all over now.

I stand on the beach,
I can never turn back the wheel,
what I have done,
what I said,
what I thought,
what I did.

I wish you could talk to me again.
I wish I could ask you to forgive.
I wish,
so much
so much.

I stand on the beach,
I know you can see me.
You know.
I know.

Even I can not see you,
please let me ask you to forgive me.
my life is nothing now.
I am nothing.

I know my mistake.
I know my brutality.
I don't look for understanding.

but I am sorry.
so much.
so much.

If I could only turn back the wheel,
tell you that I love you.
Friday, April 28th 2006 4:01 PM

ישוע (Jesus)

אלוהים אדירים
אילו רק יכולתי
את עצמי
בשלמות לתת לך

אלוהים אדירים
אילו רק יכולתי
לוותר על כל דבר

אלוהים אדירים
אילו נס עשית
ופתחת שערי לבי

אלוהים אדירים
אילו משנתי הקצתי
ולחיקך חזרתי
אלי נצח
אלי אושר
אלי תפילה

אלוהים אדירים
חרות אתה
יכולתי רק
להיות אתה
בשם בנך
Saturday, April 22nd 2006 1:36 PM


I don't know if I'm good enough for you
I don't know if I keep your word
I don't know if I'm what you want
but I do know - I love you God
I love you like crazy
I love you like nuts
I love you like mad girl
I love you so wild
I don't know if I'm good enough for you
But man - I need you 'til the end of time

you make me so wild
I love you like crazy
man it gets bad
I'll die just to touch you
I'll die to be you
I know you are love
I need you for good
crazy I'm crazy I'm crazy for you
without you I'll die
I want to be you
Sunday, May 7th 2006 2:43 PM


the scream,
My scream for you God.

this scream will stop the time.
this scream will stop the good, the bad.

this scream will end this game.
this scream will light the heart.

this scream will stop the world
from hiding you, my Lord.

the scream.
this scream will kill the devil
the Satan.

the scream.
of this lonely heart.
will make the dead, alive.

this scream.
the heart.
the scream of the heart.
Thursday, May 4th 2006 12:43 PM

Cold Streets

Cold streets
Cold People
Cold eyes

Anyone is looking after his family
Everyone cares for their loved ones
People, Houses.
Warm Houses.
Lights through the windows.
It's really cold here.

I am a stranger.
No family.
No children
No parents.
No one to care for.
Nobody to care for me.

I am.
so cold here.
I'm like a dirt in these streets.

No one see my beauty.
I could be Miss universe.
but here.
I am only dirt.
like a cat.
something society hates. scared of.

Should I kill my self.
Must be something out there.

I need a home.
I'm tired.
I need some love.

Love me God.
I don't deserve.
I need.
Thursday, May 4th 2006 1:11 PM


I wanna let it out.
I wanna cry so much
I wanna scream so much
I wanna let it out
and cry and cry and cry
all this loneliness to cry out

so long life of hell
life of terror
no hope
no hope

I wanna cry so much
so much
all this pain inside
kept for such a long time

could not let my self fall
for all this time
had to be strong
all the time

I wanna screammmmmmm
I wanna scream.

tears of a child
that never had its childhood
tears of a girl that never had her purity.

tears of a woman
who never felt safe.

Saturday, May 13th 2006 3:18 PM

God is All

I believe in Love
I believe in God
I believe that You
is everything I want

I know you're here
I know you know
I know you're with me
even though

You is me
and we are one
Love will melt us
like the sun

God is True
God is Love
God is under
and above

God is reason
God is answer
God is hope
God is All.

Love me God
and give me hope
I'm so small
and I'm so lost